


Falseness

by MiceAndIce



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Apathy, Betrayal, Gen, Internal Conflict, Noah Family - Freeform, Nongraphic violence, unstable sense of self
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-03-19 12:15:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3609753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiceAndIce/pseuds/MiceAndIce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thoughts of betrayal stir in Tyki's mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Thoughts

He first thinks of the idea while watching Eeez.

The boy coughs, sending his little frame rattling and shaking. The coal dust is rough on his lungs, but they need the money. Long minute after long minute, the boy's body keeps shaking. Finally, he stops and, looking up at Tyki, he smiles, so tired but trying so hard.

There must be other little boys like him, Tyki thinks. Would he love them just as much as he loves Eeez? Would he discard them eventually too? Watch them die?

He doesn't have to watch Eeez die, a little voice whispers in his head. ( _Is it his voice?_ ) He could protect Eeez.

* * *

The idea comes to him again as he watches the blood pour from a nameless man's body. The Teez feast upon the man's flesh; the sound of their chewing is wet, sloppy.

He always told himself the fun in life came from having both a light and a dark side.

The corpse in from of him slowly squelches and splutters into a smaller and smaller pile of gore. Eventually, all that remains is a stain on the ground.

What happens when all the humans become nothing but a stain? What then?

* * *

Sometimes, he cannot breathe.

Joido is inside him ( _but isn't he Joido?_ ). His mind is drowning. His scars hurt. He curses Walker, damn him to Hell.

He doesn't want to think.

* * *

He finds Innocence in a little village in Spain one day.

So do the exorcists.

He watches them extract the Innocence from the statue on the outskirts of the town. The people here had some sort of silly legend about the stone sculpture being haunted; another completely ordinary supernatural occurrence caused by Innocence. Really, he thinks, the damn stuff could be more creative.

He watches the exorcists as they scan their surroundings, searching for threats. He watches them as they hide the Innocence in their bags.

Watches them as they leave.

Watches them.

Lets them go.

* * *

Avoiding running into Wisely is fairly easy; the mind reader never did enjoy spending time in seedy bars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is more for myself; something for me to do when I'm tired and bored. Maybe someone else will enjoy it; if not, whatever.


	2. Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short.

He has been sleeping a lot lately. Sleeping often. Sleeping too much.

Tyki doesn't like to sleep ( _too many things to do, too much enjoyment in life_ ), but the longer he's awake, the longer he thinks, and the longer his head hurts. Tyki knows he isn't very bright, but he doesn't think this stabbing in his head stems from an attempted use of intelligence he doesn't have.

He doesn't  _think_ that's what it is.

( _But maybe he really is just too fucking stupid._ )

( _It doesn't really bother him._ )

( _At least he's pretty._ )

Tyki gets up from the bed. He looks outside. It's dark. He either slept all day or only a few minutes. He should probably go look for the Innocence the Earl sent him to find.

A glance in the mirror reveals a dark shadow behind Tyki, in front of him, in him.

A smile?

His head hurts.

It's so dark.

Tyki goes back to sleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been stated several times that Tyki isn't very smart. I wish people wouldn't characterize him as a genius so often.


	3. Perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm just going to keep the chapters short like this. I like it like that.

Innocence has been extremely hard to come by lately. What's been found has been found and the rest seems to be consciously hiding (he wonders if Innocence can actually think. Is it smarter than he is?).

This is good for Tyki; he can't be suspected of anything if there isn't anything in the first place.

At least, that's what he thought. At first. Now, he's not so sure. Not sure at all. Is the Earl watching him? Sometimes, he feels his skin prickling, feeling a gaze that may or may not be there.

He doesn't think he's done anything out of the ordinary. Well, nothing that the family would know about. He thinks.

" _And that's the problem isn't it?_ " whispers the shadow in the mirror.

He keeps thinking. He doesn't know or listen; he just thinks. _It's useless, very useless._ But it's good, isn't it? This thinking. He's doing things that (maybe) matter. He has ( _no)_ reasons for what he's doing. _It was always easier to follow the Earl_ . But what was that thing people sometimes say? Something about how doing what's right isn't always the easiest. Yeah, something like that. _When have_   _(I) ever cared about doing what's right?_ He honestly has _never_ cared, that is true.

But still. This thing he's doing. He doesn't care what's right. He wants this for himself.

What exactly is this thing again?

Road looks away from him when he finally notices her.

 


	4. Anxiety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't written anything in a while. I may have gotten into the mindset of this Tyki a bit too much and lost all motivation to write for a while :P

Tyki doesn't think he's being paranoid.

There really is something wrong here.

The Earl is acting weird; he's sure the other Noah have noticed it. Why do they keep ignoring it? The Earl's crying is freaking him out; what does the Earl cry about?

He asked Road about it and she told him not to worry about it. She looked worried about it. Nobody else did though. Not in front of each other, at least.

There's a weird feeling in his chest whenever the Earl is around. Is this gnawing on his insides concern for the Earl or concern for himself?

He feels cold whenever the Earl looks at him.

"Neah." The Earl is looking at him, calling out to him.

He's not Neah though.

He's Joido.

No.

He's Tyki.

Tyki.

Tyki-pon.

Tyki Mikk.

He doesn't respond to the Earl.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wonder if the similarities between Tyki's and Neah's appearances will play a role in D.Gray-Man or if it's just a coincidence. I would have normally written it off as a coincidence, but the fact that they look similar has been commented on by characters in the manga... It makes me wonder.


	5. Perfidy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The construction material I am breathing in inspired me to write more. There's so much dust everywhere.

Tyki closes his eyes and focuses on breathing evenly.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

This is betrayal. Real fucking betrayal. A pinprick of pain is throbbing somewhere above his right eyebrow, and there's some ghastly voice shouting about Noah this Noah that.

He thinks about Eeez and his friends and Road and his brother and he drops the glowing green nightmare from his hand to the ground. He tries to rethink his decision in that moment as the Innocence falls, but while he really wants to change his mind, his heart stays where it is despite its flickering and wavering.

Would his family hate him for this? Would they even notice? Everyone was so lost and Road was missing and the Earl was acting insane. What were they all even doing anymore? He feels that he has some sort of answer somewhere deep in his mind, but he can't reach it. He hadn't understood much before, but the Earl was there to guide him and tell him what to do; now, there was nothing. Nothing but the shadows in the mirrors and terrible, whispering voices.

At least Eeez would be proud of him, he thinks. He hopes.

Tyki hears someone approaching, someone closer than all the other shouts and warnings.

He turns around and flees the Order.


	6. Woolgathering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two in one day? Would you look at that.

This is a moment of calmness.

Sometimes, Tyki's heart beats so fast and hard that darkness swirls into his vision and everything gets dizzy and he loses himself in the black shadow that's always, constantly, forever stalking him. He's there one moment and gone the next, and he's never quite sure if a few seconds passed by him or entire hours or even days. Those are bad times, very bad, and he loses so much time.

This is not one of those times.

The darkness is ever present, and sometimes his mind is more clouded than it normally is, but he feels fine. Not good, but not bad either.

He isn't sure how long it's been since he left home; he isn't sure if he regrets his actions or not. Tyki's always cared more about the present than the past, and he embraces that attitude now more than ever. What's done is done.

Tyki wonders if his family even knows that he handed Innocence over to the Order without destroying it; he imagines that they must know, somehow, but there's a nagging voice in his head that tells him he could still go back and nobody would even notice that he had been gone. He indulges in the thought, going back to his family in his mind, and a sick feeling pools deep in his stomach. He sees himself, idly smoking and gazing at nothing, outside their grand home. His brother is somewhere inside, blustering and sick with worry. His niece is nowhere inside, quiet and finding herself. Lulubell, Wisely, and the others are scattered about the house - if not the house, then scattered around the world - working at some aimless task - and if not working, then doing nothing. And where is the Earl?

Right now, Tyki can't really give a damn. The wind on his face is sweet and crisp, and living people wander around him. The air is filled with the bustle of their pathetic everyday lives, and there's shouts and bells and singing and laughter and cursing and fighting. The sounds drown out the whispering of Tyki's Noah, and the world is in motion all around him. In Edo, in the ark, in his home, Tyki wouldn't have any of this.

He imagines all of them dead, every last human in this whole town, and the thought sends a thrill up his spine. Someone rushing by bumps into Tyki, and he lets the contact happen, and his mind is cleared of the vision and he sees the people around him again. They're all ugly and terrible, but in this moment he doesn't mind their noise.

In the noise, he hears life.

He loves it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please pardon any spelling or terrible grammar errors. I only did a quick read through to find errors, so if you notice anything I'd appreciate you pointing it out.


	7. Disquietude

It's funny how resistant the Order is to his help. _Filth,_ they call him, _untrustworthy devil_. The exorcist soldiers attack him; the pawn finders try to trap him. "The Noah think we're stupid enough to believe one of them has suddenly defected?" he hears them say as he watches from the shadows.

It makes him want to provide even more help just to spite all that scum in the Church. No wonder it took Allen so long to leave them, Tyki thinks; it's thrilling getting a rise out of all the self-righteous pricks. It spurns him to action whenever he thinks bad thoughts and feels his mood going into a downward spiral.

He imagines he would have grown bored too quickly if they had accepted him with open arms.

* * *

Tyki leans against an alley wall waiting for his Teez to finish eating, and he remembers how reluctant they had been to feast on Akuma in the beginning. The machines have a different taste to them compared to human flesh, but with some coaxing Tyki had managed to get his Teez to start nibbling on the abominations. Now they eat the things on his command, but they'll still take a human over machine any day.

He makes sure to indulge them every once in a while to keep them happy. Restless Teez flutter against his insides and make him feel sick. Happy Teez are calm and quiet, and their stillness shuts up the buzzing in Tyki's head.

When the person in the alley is nothing more than a red stain on the ground, Tyki calls his Teez to him and goes Akuma hunting.

* * *

Looking at the girl in front of him, Tyki decides that some women have more balls than ten men combined. There's a fire in her eyes, a scowl twisting her face, and Tyki can't imagine reciprocating that powerful hatred.

She's demanding an explanation.

She's demanding he provide one.

Tyki hasn't been given orders in some time, and he never remembers liking them, but the feeling of getting some direction in his life, even for a moment, is reassuring.

So he answers her, the exorcist he remembers strangling once upon a time, plainly and honestly. He's tired. He doesn't know where the Earl is. He's confused.

She looks as confused as he is beneath all her hate and anger, and she asks about Allen. Tyki says he knows nothing, and it's the truth. He wonders what's going on with the boy. She looks at him suspiciously but seems to accept his answer.

Neither of them know what to do with themselves, and so Lenalee starts to back away to leave, not turning her back on the Noah she can't trust.

"I'll kill you if you harm my friends," she says as a warning before departing, and Tyki laughs for a moment before stifling his amusement. He wants to see her _try_ to kill him, but if he's learned anything from Allen it's to not underestimate humans.

_Go after her_ , a thought flows through his mind. _Attack her, kill her._

Tyki feels a restlessness in his bones, and he walks the opposite direction the girl went, searching for a feast for his Teez.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been oddly difficult for me to make jumps in this... piece of writing, exercise, whatever. I've been putting off confrontations and events for fear of screwing things up, but I've realized that if I don't try, nothing at all will happen.


	8. Obfuscating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's me? I don't even know. Chapter 224 gave me life.

The Earl is like a grandfather, Tyki thinks. An alcoholic grandfather who frightens both the children and adults of the family at times, but a grandfather nonetheless. There is warmth and strength in the arms of that man, the bedrock of the family, like that man – was Peter his name? – who Tyki had heard a story about once upon a time.

Sometimes it was difficult to ignore how the Earl lost himself; it was like how a child struggles to continue smiling when an older relative embraces her and the stink of cigarettes and booze, no matter how light, assaults her senses. Nobody will mention it in the open – it being what exactly? The sense of unease? The stench? The disappointment? – but everyone around is aware of it. That agonizing awareness without acknowledgment was one of the things that drove Tyki away in the first place.

It is painful to ignore things like that, even if it is easier than paying attention to it. Paying attention causes a different kind of pain though, Tyki has realized, and it is not easy to deal with.

_Just breathe,_ Tyki reminds himself when he sees the Earl, a mess and crying, certainly softer and more fragile than the stone he is supposed to be.

He had found Allen Walker some time ago and followed him, though he lost his trail for some days. He never thought that he would see the Earl and Allen ( _not Allen;_ Nea) when he found the boy again.

The Earl is like an alcoholic grandfather; the image strikes Tyki again, and he finds himself rushing to the man’s side.

There is a pain in his chest (loyalty? Love?) and he holds out his hands, stands against Nea. _Nea, Nea, Nea_ – Joyd seems to be itching for a fight, and Tyki is not sure if the adrenaline he feels is entirely his own. Wisely is there too, and he does not seem surprised.

What is he thinking? Tyki wonders, and then he realizes the Noah is likely reading his thoughts. He wishes he could read thoughts too, he thinks for a moment, and then discards the thought, realizing he does not want for a power like that the instance he imagines having it.

Tyki used to feel nervous around Wisely ( _don’t think, don’t think_ ), but he finds himself lacking anything to hide. It surprises him, how open he is to the boy now. He has not been perfect, nor obedient, but perhaps the exorcists were right not to trust him.

_What am I fighting for_? Tyki thinks as he stares down the man who has not moved, the man who has taken Cheating Boy’s body. There is something odd in that expression of his, something that unnerves Tyki, but he shakes off the feeling as much as he can.

The Earl is behind him, shaking and muttering about some nonsense, and Tyki senses rather than sees Wisely make a retreat with the man. It feels right to protect him like this, though there is still a disappointment that bites through his heart at the weakness he has seen.

_Stupid boy_ , Tyki hears in his head, and he is almost taken aback by the statement. Was that his own thought or Joyd’s?

He still cannot tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the second anniversary of my grandfather's death and I started thinking about this story for some reason. I don't really know what I'm doing. Both my grandfathers died within two months of each other from the same cause while they were both in the same country though not near each other. Isn't that surreal? I feel like they've been gone for ten years but it's only been two.


End file.
